We've only just begun to live

Yesterday, I officially finished college. It hasn’t hit me yet that as of 2:00pm Friday, March 19, 2010 I am just another number in the statistic of individuals who have their Bachelor’s Degree.

However, with my intrinsic motivation and “high standards”, as my mom constantly says I hold myself to, I lack the excitement and orgasmic jubilation that most of my counterparts seem to have or have for me about graduating from UCSB. I feel like finishing college is expected of me, just how you’re expected to learn how to share in Kindergarten. Nobody praised you because you learned how to share the “tickle me pink” crayon in your cubbyhole. Nobody took you out to Pinkberry for pomegranate fro-yo with fruity pebbles because you successfully completed your “color by numbers” assignment without absent-mindedly coloring the shape labeled 8 with purple instead of orange.

Ever since my first AP Economics class in senior year of high school, I knew I wanted to study Economics. My decision has never swayed from this desire, despite countless nights spent crying because of numerous failed attempts at finding the volume of a cylinder using differential equations, and obtaining my B.A. was just one step of the staircase.

Studying Economics in college led me to my next revelation: I wanted to be an Economist. But it’s scary to think of taking the next step. The next step is clear (get my PhD), but obtaining it is much more difficult. What if I don’t get into grad school? Then I am never given the opportunity to obtain my PhD. What happens then? The answer is simple: I don’t achieve the most important goal I’ve set for myself. The thought of failing is simply devastating and nauseating. The type of devastation you feel when you’ve had your heart broken. The gut wrenching, nauseating feeling you get before you say “I love you” for the first time to someone other than your mom or best friend.

There is something fascinating, mysterious, and captivating about Economics. It’s hard to explain, but I am simply drawn to it. People cringe when they have to explain what happens to interest rate when the Fed decides to buy bonds on the open market using the ISLM curve (it decreases it, btw) or explain what happens in the short and long run if the Fed decides on a permanent increase in money growth from 2 to 5 percent. But oddly, I find quaint relaxation in labeling my axis and clearly showing the proper curve shifts and verbally explaining what happens. I wouldn’t mind doing that for the rest of my life.

But I digress. This blog is supposed to be me sharing my fascination and passion, which i’m sure will mostly be received with impassiveness but that's beside the point. What really pushed me over the edge to actually cave into the masses and join the online blog community was due to the criticism Alan Greenspan has been receiving and how many blame him for the financial crisis because of his “loose” monetary policy.

He recently wrote a paper for the Brookings Institute defending his actions and stated it is not the Fed or his monetary policy decisions that caused the financial crisis, which I mostly agree with, but more about that in another blog.

There is so much to learn from studying Economics and so much that can easily be forgotten. When I read an article, journal, paper, or Economic textbook, there are so many different thoughts going through my head. Solving Economic problems is complicated and ultimately I want to write so I can funnel through everything going on in my head. I want to be able to look back, remember my time as a young, un-jaded, aspiring Economist, and gauge how much I’ve learned. I want the opportunity to see my mindset and fervor 10 years from now.

I want to know if I’ll be like Alan Greenspan. Will I find myself in my mid-80’s writing a 66-page paper for the Brookings Institute defending my actions as an Economist (or in his case defending his actions as former Chairman of the Federal Reserve)? Or will I be issuing a statement retracting my ideals and blame it on my naivety?

Just like Pocahontas, I feel like I'm at a fork in the river. Will the decisions I make pursuing my dream as an Economist lead me down the smoothest course or does the [Economic] dream giver still wait for me just around the river bend? I’m hoping I’ll be like Pocahontas and end up going white river rafting in a canoe. I mean, who knows, maybe I’ll meet John Smith along the way.

$$$,

Your aspiring Economist

Post-script - For those who want to read "The Crisis" by Alan Greenspan:

http://www.brookings.edu/economics/bpea.aspx